Three-time Ntare Lions League (NLL) Champion and unsung hero, Douglas Nuwamanya – aka Rabbit (Akame) – has disclosed that his lungs have never been tested in the same way they were during SC Kalele’s high-octane encounter with Nshera FC at Maroons Grounds, Luzira over the weekend.
In a candid interview with our reporters, Rabbit revealed that if he ever needs a lung transplant in the future, SC Kalele will be on the list of those responsible, alongside any future causes like smoking and dust pollution. Why? Because in his 60 minutes on the field, Rabbit allegedly ran the equivalent of 2 Astronomical Units (AU)—that’s the distance to the Sun and back. To put that in perspective, if Rabbit were an astronaut, he’d be getting some serious mileage—and probably an offer from NASA after this performance.
“I’ve never run that much before. Ever. I thought I was training for football, not auditioning for The Amazing Race,” said Rabbit, wiping the sweat off his brow while sipping what can only be described as “oxygen” at this point.
As for the game, SC Kalele emerged victorious with a 2-0 win, thanks to goals from Bannet and Romfield Ampurire. The goals came in the dying minutes of the second half, right after Nshera had somehow managed to withstand an entire Kalele onslaught and keep things level at 0-0 at halftime.
Prior to this match, Nshera FC had been unbeaten for an impressive 47 games – spanning 2 years, 3 seasons, and 2 NLL Presidents. The streak was so long that President Aaron Aroriza practically aged in real-time as he handed over the reins before witnessing the heart-wrenching loss.
Lt. Bright Duncan Ruzindana, the President of Nshera, did not mince words after the final whistle:
“Twagwa omu beinazi. Ebyaana ebi byatuteeza eitima,” he muttered to reporters, clearly reeling from the shock.
“Of course, we knew the streak couldn’t last forever,” he admitted, adding with a touch of nostalgia, “but we didn’t think we’d go out like this. It’s been so long since we lost, I forgot what it felt like… Now I know. It hurts.”
Meanwhile, the “goons” of SC Kalele were positively buzzing with joy, chanting “We’ve removed a dictator!” and singing Bobi Wine’s “Tuliyambala Engule,” the ultimate anthem of freedom—and quite possibly, revenge.
A dramatic downpour during halftime added an extra layer of absurdity to the already chaotic match. The rain came down like a biblical event, accompanied by winds strong enough to blow over a small army, and hailstorms that made the pitch look like a winter wonderland.
The only other notable victim of the storm was Brighto Porks, whose charcoal fire was completely extinguished by the downpour. “It was a tragedy,” he lamented. “I had the perfect setup… until nature decided to ruin my life.”
Solomon Ayebare, SC Kalele’s PR officer, was quick to point the finger at Nshera, accusing them of orchestrating the rainstorm to sabotage the game and prolong their undefeated streak. “We know Nshera was behind the weather disaster. They must’ve hired rainmakers or some sort of nature-wranglers to get us wet. This is no coincidence,” he said. “We’re already drafting legal papers for a DC Hearing. Watch this space.”
As for Rabbit, he may need a new set of lungs and a few days to recover, but he’s still standing. Barely.
